I promised I would fix everything first before involving myself into something. I was fine, perfectly fine. I felt mature in ways I could not even imagine. I let God inside my world again. I started to believe in life again. I started to live life, again. For the longest time, I became very happy with the people I just met.
So there's this guy. His name is Makoto. I don't know where we stand in each other's lives but we are friends and we are happy like that. Or at least we were. I had this four-week rule and I told myself that if he would be able to get past it, maybe he's the kind of guy i should get serious with.
I met him more than a month ago and it all happened so fast. I never admitted to myself or to anyone that I liked him because I was not sure if there were any feelings involved at all. Maybe I was just curious and interested. Maybe I was enjoying his company. Maybe it was implied already. I don't know. I just don't know. There's one thing I am sure of: there are just two kinds of guys, a boyfriend or a friend. Nothing in between.
We had our happily ever after but it ended so soon. We had fights and misunderstandings that complicated the situation even more. I cannot expect him to woo me and all because we just met. I know he would not understand but I just have these crazy days that I just feel like I wanna kill everyone.
I read his tweets and blogs about me getting irritated at him all the time. For me, they don't make any sense at all. Was he informing me indirectly that he is backing off already? Okay? In my defense, I just wanted to make sure that he is gonna see the real me. I just wanted to express my feelings because I did not want to suppress any. I just wanted to feel the most heartfelt assurance that he would be there listening to my rants and that he would be there for me come what may. I just got disappointed because I did not know that's how he sees me. Of course I got offended that's why I unfollowed him on Twitter, intentionally. I didn't know that he was going to notice it. Technology makes the world so small. It also makes our minds narrow. Really.
With those misunderstandings, many questions bothered me. What if I am not ready yet? What if I haven't recovered from my past life just yet? Is this even worth getting into? I just feel vulnerable knowing that I am letting emotions win over reasoning.
Last week was the fourth week and I felt like we're growing apart. I am terribly longing for those days to come back, the days when we felt nothing but genuine happiness. They say it is all in the mind. Was it because of my four-week rule? Or was it a sign that we should stop whatever this is because it is not even there to start with?
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